'What she got herself in to...'

How well do you know your neighbors?
How about your close friends?

Behind the closed doors, and happy appearances, of many households, Domestic Violence raises it's ugly head and spreads it's venom.
Rich, poor, middle class, white, green, black,educated, non-educated...it does not discriminate.
Maybe you do not think so, but it IS everywhere...and it DOES effect everyone.
Spurred on by alcohol abuse, alcoholism, or depression...it knocks everyone involved off their axis.
It may start as a slimy verbal assault, or physical bullying.
It slithers in and contaminates the ears of the children in the room...
It wraps itself into a coil of passive aggressive behavior and emotional neglect.
It breaks hearts,crushes dreams...and shatters homes.
It spreads fear and anguish...it smothers Love.
No child should witness a man raise a violent hand to a woman---ever.
No child should ever hear verbal abuse.
It is unacceptable. It is illegal.
It is the 'deal breaker.'
Many may think 'domestic violence' means a man punching a woman's lights out...or slamming her against the wall rendering her unconscious. All those films where the man says,'I'm gonna kill you Louise if you ever tell any one about this!'...(cut to scene where she flees the house with the baby,the clothes on her back, and she lights his car on fire for good measure.)
Another misconception about 'DV' is that the woman 'got herself in to that mess'.
'Yup. Always knew that Earl was nuts...she musta made him real mad.'
SERIOUSLY?
I don't think any woman marries a man and says, 'gee, I hope he hits me on a regular basis, threatens me,treats me like a captive, and calls me 'f*cking stupid' in front of our kids!'
I live in a state where in the past few years there have been many more heinous DV acts towards women.Instead of just divorcing the wife,and moving on, the husband felt the need to take it one step further.
One pregnant woman was killed in her home---while her two year old slept in the other room. Another mother suddenly 'disappeared',her house 'mysteriously' caught on fire...and they found her body in a field later. One woman went for a morning jog, never returned, and her body was discovered at an abandoned construction site.
All were killed by their husbands.
Friends and families of these women---from 'well-to-do' neighborhoods---were shocked.
Yes. Domestic Violence is everywhere.
Many women live in homes, and stay where they are, out of denial.
'I am educated...professional...I have kids!'
Maybe so...but DV is a 'disease' in our world that does NOT discriminate.
If you yourself are stuck in a 'situation', or you know someone who is, there ARE actions to be taken...Help is out there.
First of all,talk to your/their friends.
Document everything. Take pictures.Journal.
Have a plan...even if you/they never think it will happen to YOU/THEM---have a plan.
(Why not keep a change of clothes in your car---you never know when a kid's gonna hurl on you---right?)
If you/they do have to flee...find a safe place to be.
(It is advisable to leave a note, or contact the spouse, letting them know you/they are safe and have the children---otherwise, you/they could be accused of kidnapping.)
Call the police immediately when you/they have arrived at the 'safe place'---a report must be filed as soon as possible.
(No, do not wait until morning...do it NOW.)
Hopefully you can have someone with you, if you have kids, because you will have to talk to an officer...and that is scary for them to see. Having a friend there creates a good diversion.
Contact an attorney as soon as possible.
Follow their advice to the 'T'.
(Many victims of DV are in denial---'I can handle this', 'it will get better','I'll give it one more shot'...sometimes a great friend just needs to take action and control!)
If you/they are advised to file a Domestic Violence Restraining order---DO IT!
(You/they could end up as one of the women in a ditch...and then where would your/their kids be?)
A friend who recently went through this, was lucky enough to have her attorney's help with the filing.
However, if you/they do this alone, don't be afraid to ask questions.
In DV cases, there are people available to help....and explain what will happen next.

I am thankful that my friend, and her kids and pets, are now safe...and she has hope...she is not afraid anymore. She is 'alive' again...

Letting Go...for Good.

Yesterday I went to pick up my son in the little town I lived in with my first husband.
We stopped by my old house. My X had cleared out the attic, and 'there were things' of mine that he 'found.'...and I was 'welcome to look through them'. (Gee, thanks!)
When my son and I pulled in to the driveway...and I got that old, familiar, nerve wracking, nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach.
My old house...built in 1928.
MY house. The house that had seen my newborn babies come home, gave us shelter....watched them grow.The house I had lovingly landscaped for 7 years, helped renovate, designed and installed my kitchen and checker board tile floor...My kitchen, where I had cooked many a home made meal from scratch. The trees I had planted in the yard were now 20 feet tall. My precious gardens were overgrown from neglect...another casualty of divorce.
This house had seen much happiness, but more sorrow.
I was startled by it's emptiness when I walked through the door for the first time in 8 years.It was cold...musty. Left behind. My house had always been warm, smelled good, and seemed so big to me when I lived there with my kids. My son, who was standing next to me, was not 3 years old anymore---and almost as tall as I am now.
Maybe that was it. We had all 'grown'.
I got to task with looking through boxes....dusty, broken down boxes...with my handwriting on them...'JB Baby Clothes: 6-12 months'...'C's special dresses Newborn-6 months'...stuffed animals...toys..things I wanted my kids to have for their kids.

I am a 'saver'...some say 'pack rat'...I prefer 'family historian'.

Looking through the boxes and bags was like a time warp. My sons train set he got for Christmas when he was 3.(I can still see him clearly with his red flannel robe and footy pajamas,little boy 'just out of bed' hair, making train noises.) My daughters ragged out, and dearly loved, dolls in various states of 'undress'(Why do barbies always end up half naked with only one shoe?)...her little dresses, and baby sleepers.Books I read to them in the rocking chair before they went to sleep in my arms...I could still smell the baby shampoo on their clean, warm,little heads. It was overwhelming.
I was both sad and happy remembering.
I have one of those weird brains that remembers everything---usually trivial things to an outsider. Each saved stuffed animal, book, or piece of clothing had a special memory to me. A story.My son seemed to take comfort in my memories of the good times.
Eventually, he and I carried the boxes down the 28 stairs to the driveway---(I know it is 28 steps because my mom would remind me every time she visited.)
We walked through the house one more time before leaving. I said my 'goodbyes' to the house out loud. I hope she was listening.I thanked her for being good to me and my kids.
My home was alive when I lived there...with laughter, noise, and kids...not to mention 3 cats and a dog. This house was not my home anymore...and not my kids home. It was still, quiet...asleep.
A new family has bought my old house.They will be only the fourth family to live there in 81 years...81 years! I hope they will bring her back to life.
So,yesterday,finally, I let go of my house for good. No more 'what if's'....no more regrets, or wishing things had gone differently.
Letting go, for 'good'...for better...moving forward. It felt ok...closure.
Some times it is good to let go...I am a slow learner...and I will always have the stories to share with my kids---and their kids.That cannot be taken away, or lost.
I am learning to make room for 'the here', and 'the now'...and the future.
No more dark sadness.
Just light...and love.

Germ Warfare

With all the stuff flying around the media recently regarding swine flu and various other germy type illnesses it got me thinking about germ warfare.
(No, not the type where some freak drops the small pox on Minnesota, and suddenly there is a pandemic...)
I mean, my own personal war against germs.
Sometimes people get carried away.
My mom is a certified germaphobe...and I say this lovingly. She is the type now, that won't let me---her own daughter---take a bite of something she is eating without first cutting whatever it is away from what she is eating....and good Lord, I would never think of using her fork! There is a guttural sound of disgust that she emits when my kids drop something on her super clean floor, and then they eat it anyway. Her mantra is 'did you wash your hands?' (which I understand...because people in general just do not.)Luckily my 5 year old is a big hand washer...another excuse for her to say,'I can do it MYSELF'...my older kids, 11 and 14, still have to be reminded---and I still have to say,'if I smell your hands right now, will they smell like soap?' Of course this does backfire at times as they shove their hands in my face to prove a point!
I guess I never really thought much about it before I had kids.
The first baby drops her pacifier, and that one cannot be used again until it has been boiled in scalding water, air dried and sealed with some hermetic device. The second child drops a pacifier and you may rub it on your jeans, pick off some dog hairs, and then it's good to go. The third child drops a pacifier, and you might blow on it...and back in it goes.
Being in public with a new baby is always fun.
Why do people who you do not know, and do not ask if they can, want to touch newborns faces and hands...hello? New human here, building immune system---do NOT touch the baby...please. People! Do NOT touch the baby! (as you smile sweetly through gnashing teeth.)A friend of mine even had a woman---she did not know---stick her FINGER in the baby's mouth to see his teeth---now that would have deserved a roundhouse kick to that woman's head from me!
I guess my germaphobia does come out in a public restroom though.
I travel with my kids a lot...so, there are 'pitstops' on the road. I can tell you all the clean restrooms along my routes.Even still, I use my elbow to turn on/off the water, and I am teaching the girls the craft of 'hovering' and flushing with your foot.(I can also open doors with my foot---years of dance training.)My mantra with little people in luscious places like that is 'DON'T touch ANYTHING!' which draws snickers from stalls nearby...and yes, I have used the facilities holding a crawling age baby and hovering...what mom has not? Port-a-johns at public events are a lot of fun with children as well. Not only are they 'cozy', and smell delightful, but my kids are always afraid they will fall in to 'that hole'...(actually, so am I. Can you imagine?)For occasions like these it is best to just fumigate them with Lysol spray and dunk them in antibacterial gel...it is alcohol based, so, the kids do dry pretty quickly.
I am teaching my kids to cough in to their elbows...Dracula style...and to sneeze the same way. I get squirrelly when I see a kid at preschool with green snails hanging outta their nose. I can spot a fevery kid a mile away---and do not think that I don't know that that 'allergy' is really pink eye!
Preschool is a playground for the germs, however I can't send my child to school in a little hazmat suit. I mean really, it would severely impede her movement on the playground...and all the kids would want to try on the respirator for sure.Kids lick, bite, chew on everything, and each other. One must accept this and pray that no kid came to school with a case of flu.
After having food poisoning on more than one occasion, I am wary of food that I personally have not prepared or have seen being prepared. I have been a waitress...I know what goes on in the kitchen...and may I remind everyone, it is in your best interest to treat your wait staff kindly.
'Pot luck' dinners are hard for me now. If I know everyone who prepared the food, then I can call them the next day and see if they were hurling all night as well from 'Aunt Ginny's famous chicken salad'...and no, I do not buy stuff at bake sales outside of grocery stores.Some people seem to have cast iron stomachs and are not effected by anything. I can look at mayonnaise based potato salad sitting in the sun, and get ill...a trait I hope my kids do not get from me.
So far, so good this season...we have not started the cycle of illness. One kid gets sick, then after passing it on to the second, feels better while child three starts getting symptoms...then child one gets well, child two is really sick, and child three is going down hill. Then child one gets sick again, child two is better...you get my point. ('Who's on First'.)
I am just keeping my freshly washed fingers crossed that we survive another season, illness free...and that my germ warfare does not send me over the edge...and I won't let you use my fork...!!!

'Before I Get Hit By A Bus...'

I was thinking last night about how unpredictable life can be.
You just never know what will happen in the next moment...will I be hit by a bus? Shot with a poison dart? Slip on the floor and konk my head on the counter? Who knows?
Then I started thinking, and remembering things that I want to make sure I tell my kids. Stuff about life, dating,marriage, babies, memories I have of them that still make me smile---and laugh.
So, I am starting this series of Notes for my kids.
I don't want to forget anything about them...and I want them to have references for later---when my alzheimer's kicks into full gear...
Here I go:
You 3 are the best things that have ever---ever---happened to me. Being your mom has been the coolest experience ever! I hope I make you as proud as I am of you. You 3 have beautiful souls, hearts and minds...use them for the greater good.
I will always be here for you no matter what...don't ever be afraid to ask me anything...your momma has done a LOT of living...and seen a LOT of things. Good stuff, and really bad stuff. You cannot shock me---trust that!
You 2 girls know how I feel about boys.
I pray you do not make the same mistakes I have made.
When someone shows you who they are---believe them the first time.
Sometimes being too forgiving can be a problem.
Listen to your gut...it will never fail you.
If a guy ever hits you, or knocks you to the floor---LEAVE.
(Then,call me and come over for a chat...and a drink.)
Words can be just as abusive...and hurt just as bad---LEAVE.
You will 'fall' in love many many times...and your heart will break just as many times. You will live. There will ALWAYS be that one that got away...but trust me, there are so many people in this world who will fit in to yours---right around the corner!
Searching for 'Mr. Right', instead of 'Mr. Right Now', is worth the wait.
There is no such thing as 'one true love'...(unless you become nuns.)
When you finally DO find the 'one'...have him come over. I have a few questions for him...after I finish his back ground check. He will need to bring proof of citizenship, current medical records, and the results from his AIDS and genetic testings. This is required. (Don't laugh!)
People are never really who they say they are...and I don't want you to find this out 6 months in to your marriage.(Been there, done that.)
...and for YOU, my son...in regards to girls.
Treat all females with respect.
Be kind.
Never---NEVER---lie to a woman...she will find out, and 'the wrath of the woman scorned' is not something you want to experience.
I am raising you to be a southern gentleman.You will have lovely table manners...you will NEVER chew with your mouth open.
You will be able to cook, and do your own laundry.(chicks totally dig that.)
I know it sounds 'icky' right now, but girls like flowers, kisses and good long hugs.
Of course, all the girls you go out with will, as well, go through rigorous interviews and background checks.
I'm not letting you go to just anyone. She must be as golden as you are to me!
For all 3 of my kids: You deserve the BEST.
The best life, loves, meaningful work---and I mean that.
If you want to become a female jet fighter pilot? I support you.
If you want to join the circus? Great! (I am coming to.)
You can be whatever will make you truly truly happy...
(I will put my foot down on the knife juggling or becoming a stripper...however, they do make good money in the high class joints. I may reconsider. NO!)

I will let you chew on this Note for a while...as I ponder what else I can tell you.
(and don't forget, I have your naked baby pictures...and I am not afraid to use them! hahaha!)
I love you!
Momma~ xoxoxox

Our Night at the ER...(Happy 14th, NaNa!)

The day started out great!
NaNa was 14 on the 14th---Bastille Day! Viva la France! Viva la NaNa!
(my 3 kids have all been born on holidays....Bastille Day, Pearl Harbor Day, and Leap Year, but, I digress.)
We finished our Day Camps, picked up Mia and Mimi D and headed to the Mall to do some birthday shopping and eat dinner...simple, yet festive!
We shopped a bit, and then went to enjoy a meal at Max and Erma's...everyone was excited for the special gourmet cupcakes waiting for us at Mimi's house later!
Our meal was good, the kids got along, everything was great.
Mimi went to the ladies room while we waited for the check...20 minutes went by...no Mimi.
I went to go check on her, jokingly saying,'I'll go make sure she hasn't passed out or something'...telling the 3 kids to wait at the table.
Holy COW!
She was ill in the bathroom...and I mean, ILL....and dizzy and about to pass out!
(for a brief second I imagined myself a psychic.)
Over the next 45 minutes, things got worse.
I got the kids out strolling--trolling---the Mall, so I could help my mom.
Have you ever been in that weird place...wondering if you should call 911? I was there.
I got Mall Security, and we decided to call in the paramedics...mom was mortified---and I knew she would kill me later....but for now, she needed more help than I could give her.
I am sure the customers wondered 'what the heck' when the gurney came rolling in all jangling with equipment, paramedics, oxygen tanks....good Lord!
(and no, no hottie EMS guys....but the man and woman were pleasant enough.)
By this point my mom was so dizzy, and kinda out of it, so she was 'non-combative'...(I only say this because later, CJ---the girl EMT---told us the call before that she had had to duck for cover and restrain a patient.)
This moment may be one of the only ones in which I am glad my teenager has a cell phone....we were calling and texting each other the whole time with updates...
So, they wheel mom out of the back of the restaurant, and I go find my kids...they were on the verge of a little tiny freak out...but this 'is going to be an exciting adventure...and we get to follow an ambulance---COOL! Right?'
Yeah!
The Mall Security guy---who was 7 feet tall, and had on a Hello Kitty' bandaid---was really nice...(and he was a Tarheel fan.)He waited with us while the ambulance got started up. Hey! And a guy on one of those 2 wheeled things---a la Paul Blart Mall Cop---whizzed by...the kids were thrilled.
NaNa was texting up a storm,and the kids in the back were 'maintaining'.
We finally arrive at the NGeneral Hospital Emergency Room.
I had to park in a sketchy ER parking lot...telling my kids 'move quickly and stick close to me---and DON'T touch anything!'
Ohhhhh. The joys of an ER waiting room...with 3 kids. I told them they better NOT have to pee because they were NOT using this restroom! Thank God for the vending machines as I broke all the rules and let them have 'brown sodas' and Doritos...
Mom had been checked in to a room in the back....triage I guess.
It was around 9pm.
I sat with my kids for a bit...assuring the kids 'MiMi has a bad tummy ache, but she will be ok...' I snuck a few Doritos and pillaged the Dr. Peppers...again, breaking my own food rules.
There were police officers everywhere.
I was not scared...really---but my vivid imagination was contemplating a drive by shooter or two women breaking in to a knife fight over a man...and then there was the guy looking at dirty pics on his cell phone with the oozing wound on his hand...now THAT scared me.
I called my friend Mary after I got my wits back together. I needed someone to be with my kids so I could go back and check on mom. ('Oozing Wound Guy' was freaking me out.)
It was dark out now...and the 'unusuals' were emerging.
My kids eyes were like saucers watching a cussing, drunk, homeless lady being rolled out on to the street...then there was the charming 'lady' who was asking around,'hey...you got a cigarette?' in her low gravelly voice...
I told my kids to 'stay small and quiet...' Mia piped in,'like a mouse, momma?'...(YES!).
Somehow I can never get her to sing her 'Jesus Song' from Bible School when I ask, but she decided now was a good time...and she was really 'giving it her all'.
So then my giggles started.
I hate it! Whenever I get super stressed, I start giggling...I get the giggles at 'inappropriate' times...after a car wreck, injury, church, funerals, court...I can't stop.It was handy now though, because then my kids started to laugh---wondering why---but still we were all 'cheery'...if anything, we looked like we were waiting for the 'special van' from the asylum to come get us...
Mary arrived---thank you Jesus---and I got to go back to see mom.
(oh, but not before a charming picture badge was made for me, and THEN the nice policeman---wearing rubber gloves--- let me through the locked door...I wondered if I could have some rubber gloves...or a jumpsuit?)
Poor mom was in bad shape.
She was hooked up to an IV...nausea meds dripping in. She was shivering and I got her more blankets. I took off her jewelry for her, and found a nifty ziplock Specimen bag to stow it all in...
Gee, and lucky for us, 'Big Brother' was blaring on the tv...and no one could find the remote---or reach the off button. Seriously?
(I was amazed at how 'blasse' the ER nurses were. I know they are over worked and underpaid, but this was my mom...ok? I was glad I was there to be a 'patient advocate' for her....but I digress.)
My daughter was texting me from the waiting room...'I am tired....when can we go'....etc., etc....Mary was an angel and took my kids back to her house---she has 3kids also...probably had nothing else to do but to bring 3 more home...ha!
It was 10pm.
Mom's blood work FINALLY came back---everything normal. 'Gastroenteritis...'
I had this affliction a month before my first wedding....was hospitalized for 3 days...it ain't pretty.(although it is a great way to lose 10 lbs in 3 days.)
Well, I thought, at least they will keep her over night to hydrate her, and watch her.
No.
(WHAT?)
No...the nurse said they'd 'release her in a few hours'...
(again, WHAT?)
Mom could not even sit up without getting ill...and I was going to be driving her 30 minutes back to her house at the Beach...and how the heck was I going to get her in to the house, up stairs...she was so weak! Mom did suggest bringing lots of beach towels and garbage bags...lovely.
(Maybe Mia would sing me the 'Jesus Song'.)
CJ ,the EMT, came and checked on mom...she was really sweet.
There was a ruckus in the hall and lots of police and detective looking guys...I pulled the privacy curtain...one of the policemen said, 'One more arrest this week and I get a toaster oven'...I saw dirty feet roll by on a gurney.
Mary brought the kids back to me at the ER...and thankfully waited and watched us load up in to my truck.
(Turns out, there had been a stabbing in that very parking lot an hour before....wonder if it was over a man? See! I was not far off, huh?)
It was 11pm.
...and we headed back to mom's. I was going to 'get the kids settled'--ha!---and turn around and go get mom from the ER. (My 14 year old would be in charge of holding down the fort.)The kids were jacked up on Doritos and Dr. Pepper...and all were thrilled to be up past bedtime.
1130-ish, I got everyone in bed---not asleep---but 'in' bed.
I was so tired I could not even form sentences correctly...and I was calling my kids by each other's names, pets names, 'you---boychild', etc.!
Then the phone rang---it was Mom!
She said the Doc was keeping her over night because she was so dizzy...and I did not have to drive back (the 30 minutes)to Norfolk and get her....
(pipe in Mormon Tabernacle Chior singing,'Aaaaalllleeeelllluuuuuuuu-YAAH!')
Holy COW!
Wow...I finally got to exhale...then everything was replaying in my head...as I hosed myself down with antibacterial gel.
Mom came home the next morning---thanks to her friend Lou for driving, and stocking the freezer with Jell-o, Ginger Ale and Pediasure popsicles!
I took Mia to my Altered Books Camp with me, and my kids went on to Day Camps...

Never a dull moment, yall. Ever.

'MOMMY!...I had a little accident!!!'

OK, nothing makes your adreneline spike like this phrase yelled from another room...(well, that and 'MOMMY! I am bleeding on the new sofa' or 'I threw up on your bed'.....)
so...
Me: '...what kind of accident sweetie?
Her: '...ummm. It's just tinkle...(pause)...and just a lil poop...'
Me: ' WHERE IS THE DOG?' (Heart rate shoots up imagining the dog...bleckkk!)
Her: ' she is right here....I took my pants off.'
Me: ' WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS????'
Her: '...um....in daddy's room...' (The Mancave)
Me: (flying down the stairs waiting to see Roxy enjoying a 'snack'...trying not to gag.)
I find said pants in 'Mancave'...no underwear....OMG!
....I stare down the dog, she looks at me like, 'Wuh-it?'
...still no underwear...Mia running around bottomless...Roxy close behind...literally...
FOUND UNDERWEAR...in the washer...and lets just say, I threw the Princess Belle ones out...(which is a bummer bc they had glitter on them...a favorite!)
Now Mia is making a sport of running around 'free and unfettered' with dog just HOPING she will stop....I 'tackle' child to the ground, careful not to get my sweater dirty...clean up...new undies, new pants...much like roping a calf---(and I do hold my arms in the air and yell 'TIME' when I am done.)
The dog is still pissed at me....

If I went on strike...for real.

Not that I can or will, but I can fantasize...I love my family, and my life...but a girl can dream...and laugh!Here's how it would go, yall:
In the middle of the night,(3a.m.-ish) when the dog starts barking, you, my love, can get out of the nice warm bed---bumping around in the darkness like Helen Keller--- and let her out....wait for her to do her business, and hope she does not start howling at the rabbits.
Oh...she stepped in poo? Go find a 'dog towel'(in garage)...re-kennel dog, or she will eat the furniture.
When the baby needs to be nursed(every 3 hours)---pony up dude! Enjoy.
And when there's the inevitable 'blow out diaper' and you can't find any wipes, deal with it.
(this only applies when there is an infant in the house, obviously we are past that point.)
When the toddler has a night terror and cannot be consoled, you get to sleep in the twin bed with her---have fun getting punched in the face, having your hair pulled,and kicked in the gut because she's a restless sleeper.
Hopefully she will remain asleep and not wake up and try to stick her finger in your eye, or up your nose.
You will learn to live with the back pain, and crick in your neck--I suggest Motrin.
When the baby has a crusty, snotty---resembling green snails--- nose, use your own sleeve to wipe it off---it is not a biohazard.
(Fever? Thermometers are for amatuers...put your cheek on her head.You'll know.)
No, your coffee will not be ready when you get up in the morning...make it yourself.
While you are waiting and waiting for it to brew, jump on those dishes in the sink....(the dishwasher is that big shiny thing to the right)...
...feed, and get water for, the dog...let her out again.
Kids...wake yourselves up, find your own clothes, socks and shoes...I have no idea where you left them.
Breakfast? Hmm let's see...I think it's in the kitchen? And when you make your own school lunches, all carbs does not count as healthy.
...and don't forget your homework, class project, and permission slips.
Your soccer uniform, cleats, schin guards and socks are probably still in a muddy sweaty pile in your room---along with your damp bath towel...I'd start there looking for them.
(No, I still don't know where your shoes are.)
After your coffee, remember, you can only use the restroom with an audience....all the time.(or, if you lock the door---which I highly recommend---be ready to see how many little race cars can zoom under the door....be prepared to shoot them back through.)
Forget about that relaxing steamy morning shower...unless you need an audience as well.
(Again, I suggest locking the door...unless you are really ready for the inevitable anatomy question and answer period...which will most definitely be 'shared' with people at the market.)
If you would like 25 minutes, put in a DVD...can't find the Strawberry Shortcake video to occupy said audience...hmmm...try Sponge Bob.
The continuous knocking on the door should not alarm you...she probably is not wearing pants and has had 'a accident!'...or put shampoo on the dog and dusted the dog with powder.
Maybe she gave your nice watch to the dog to play with?
Remain calm---she was 'just helping,.' (smile!)
No you don't get to dry your hair, or shave...and please clean out the sink if you do.
Scoop the catbox and put it in the outside trash...pull the can to the street if you remember which day is garbage day....and don't forget the recycle stuff...keep looking...there are always a few cans that get away.
While you get dressed---you will be stopping everything to deal with hurt feelings, scraped knees, splinters and kid fights...so, be quick about it.
(No, I don't know where your shoes are either...maybe the dog ate them because you did not put them up?)
Everyone, make your own beds. Pick up your own toys...and books.
Remember to turn off all the lights before you leave the house...and let in and kennel the dog. (don't forget her treat!)
Find your own keys.
No, you can't just get in the car and go.
You have to buckle the toddler in to her car seat, give her a book...did you remember a sippy cup?
The big kids will fight over who gets the front seat...and no, 'poopy diaper head' is not a compliment.
The kicking in the base of your seat would be the toddler---don't be alarmed...you will get used to it.
Enjoy the many many renditions of preschool songs...sung, then yelled...and just keep the radio on top 40, bc you can't listen to the sports network.
Whomever ended up in the back seat will always pick on the other in the front---just block it out.(Change your name for the day to Umberto, and tell them you will not answer unless addressed by this name.)
When you get to your destination...no, you can't just get out of the car and walk in.
Get toddler out and while holding on to her, grab her backpack...she will want you to carry all 35lbs. of her in to the building.
Drop off child---don't linger even if she gives you the big teary puppy eyes.
Its better to 'stop-drop- and run'...RUN!
When you return home ('office') you can have another cup of coffee and listen to CNN...in the meantime, switch over the laundry, and put in another load.
I suggest you seperate the lights and darks...make sure there is not a Pullup hidden in there---they expand and blow up in the washer...it's a mess.
Next, the dog needs to be walked...good luck figuring out the harness.
I have faith you will get it---eventually.
When you return from 30 minute 'pull-fest' (aka: walk) with dog, give her some water. This is her naptime, so, she will go sleep on the sofa...she is not allowed to sleep on the good sofa so close monitoring is encouraged.
Switch dry laundry to baskets---there will be one for each person in the house...I suggest folding as you put them in...saves time when you will be putting everyones laundry away---if you ever get to that.
Switch wet laundry to dryer...start another load.
(Check that dog is not on good sofa.)
Eat a protien bar/banana/apple if you feel woozy---you don't have time to eat.
Clean up breakfast dishes---putting them in the sink does NOT count...again, look for the big shiny thing to the right---that's where they go!
Answer emails, return calls, make doctors appointments...make notes to stick on everybody's doors regarding said appointments.
(Jot them on wall calender and in your book---you will be responsible for re-reminding everyone.)
Twice a week(or more), vaccuum...let dog out bc she will bark herself crazy at the machine.
Once a week change sheets on all beds, clean toilets, showers, floors.
(gather, daily, the endless laundry)
If the dog yacks in her kennel, this must be dealt with immediately.
Clean up warm gooey goodness...and try not to yack yourself!
Put all dirty dog bedding in washing machine---when the last load finishes.
If yack is on rug....clean up with recycle grocery bags....use little carpet machine...you can figure that one out. (and you have to let the dog out again bc she will bark at this machine as well.)Think of something for dinner, and try to go to market while all kids are gone...(instructions to follow if you have to take all 3 with you.)
Upon return,unload groceries, clean up bags, wipe down counters.
Try to focus and make jewelry...or think of design ideas for clients.
Contact clients, work on website...hunt for business opportunities.
1250---pick up toddler.
Inevitably, she will not have eaten her lunch, so, prepare to eat out, or cook at home....She could be in a great mood, but more than likely she will be tired ,cranky and ornery.
'No' and 'I DONT WANT TOOOO" will seem the only speech pattern she is able to speak.
Since she no longer naps...she will be instrumental in 'helping out' the rest of the day...the whining kind of becomes like background music.
Learn that,'say please', 'we don't hit/yell/ stick our fingers in our nose' as well as 'do you need to go potty' will be the most repeated phrases of your day.
Carry loads of laundry upstairs, and put away.......and try to remember that you are a college educated adult...OK?
I don't want to overwhelm you, so, I will leave you with this....kind of like an 'appetizer'.
The afternoon and evening 'shifts' are to come.
All my love....'Wife/Mom'
ps: I turned my cell phone off.