'What she got herself in to...'

How well do you know your neighbors?
How about your close friends?

Behind the closed doors, and happy appearances, of many households, Domestic Violence raises it's ugly head and spreads it's venom.
Rich, poor, middle class, white, green, black,educated, non-educated...it does not discriminate.
Maybe you do not think so, but it IS everywhere...and it DOES effect everyone.
Spurred on by alcohol abuse, alcoholism, or depression...it knocks everyone involved off their axis.
It may start as a slimy verbal assault, or physical bullying.
It slithers in and contaminates the ears of the children in the room...
It wraps itself into a coil of passive aggressive behavior and emotional neglect.
It breaks hearts,crushes dreams...and shatters homes.
It spreads fear and anguish...it smothers Love.
No child should witness a man raise a violent hand to a woman---ever.
No child should ever hear verbal abuse.
It is unacceptable. It is illegal.
It is the 'deal breaker.'
Many may think 'domestic violence' means a man punching a woman's lights out...or slamming her against the wall rendering her unconscious. All those films where the man says,'I'm gonna kill you Louise if you ever tell any one about this!'...(cut to scene where she flees the house with the baby,the clothes on her back, and she lights his car on fire for good measure.)
Another misconception about 'DV' is that the woman 'got herself in to that mess'.
'Yup. Always knew that Earl was nuts...she musta made him real mad.'
SERIOUSLY?
I don't think any woman marries a man and says, 'gee, I hope he hits me on a regular basis, threatens me,treats me like a captive, and calls me 'f*cking stupid' in front of our kids!'
I live in a state where in the past few years there have been many more heinous DV acts towards women.Instead of just divorcing the wife,and moving on, the husband felt the need to take it one step further.
One pregnant woman was killed in her home---while her two year old slept in the other room. Another mother suddenly 'disappeared',her house 'mysteriously' caught on fire...and they found her body in a field later. One woman went for a morning jog, never returned, and her body was discovered at an abandoned construction site.
All were killed by their husbands.
Friends and families of these women---from 'well-to-do' neighborhoods---were shocked.
Yes. Domestic Violence is everywhere.
Many women live in homes, and stay where they are, out of denial.
'I am educated...professional...I have kids!'
Maybe so...but DV is a 'disease' in our world that does NOT discriminate.
If you yourself are stuck in a 'situation', or you know someone who is, there ARE actions to be taken...Help is out there.
First of all,talk to your/their friends.
Document everything. Take pictures.Journal.
Have a plan...even if you/they never think it will happen to YOU/THEM---have a plan.
(Why not keep a change of clothes in your car---you never know when a kid's gonna hurl on you---right?)
If you/they do have to flee...find a safe place to be.
(It is advisable to leave a note, or contact the spouse, letting them know you/they are safe and have the children---otherwise, you/they could be accused of kidnapping.)
Call the police immediately when you/they have arrived at the 'safe place'---a report must be filed as soon as possible.
(No, do not wait until morning...do it NOW.)
Hopefully you can have someone with you, if you have kids, because you will have to talk to an officer...and that is scary for them to see. Having a friend there creates a good diversion.
Contact an attorney as soon as possible.
Follow their advice to the 'T'.
(Many victims of DV are in denial---'I can handle this', 'it will get better','I'll give it one more shot'...sometimes a great friend just needs to take action and control!)
If you/they are advised to file a Domestic Violence Restraining order---DO IT!
(You/they could end up as one of the women in a ditch...and then where would your/their kids be?)
A friend who recently went through this, was lucky enough to have her attorney's help with the filing.
However, if you/they do this alone, don't be afraid to ask questions.
In DV cases, there are people available to help....and explain what will happen next.

I am thankful that my friend, and her kids and pets, are now safe...and she has hope...she is not afraid anymore. She is 'alive' again...

Learning To Trust 'Girls' Again...(maybe)

Raising girls is scary....period.

I have 2...one is 14 and the other turns 5 in December.
My 4 year old is a 'pistol'! She is the embodiment of joy.
I watch her on the playground with her other girl friends...
I cringe when they all do not get along. My heart sings when they do.They are such a juxtaposition of wide open innocence and inborn modesty and femininity. They love bugs and baby dolls equally right now.

My 14 year old rocks!
She is beautiful...with a Spirit to match. She is an athlete, and seems to have a lot of good friends....so far. She is not one of the 'mean' girls---thank God. Beneath the eye rolls and the 'gosh MOM!'---she digs me. She and I have a really open and honest relationship. She knows she can talk with me about anything...I hope she never forgets that!
Neither of my girls are 'girly girls'...but I have raised them that way.
Don't get me wrong.
We have our share of princess wands, baby dolls, and lipgloss around the house....and they both enjoy smelling nice.
However, they can both hold their own when playing rough with the boys, or sprinting to a soccer ball...no doubt! When they fall...they get up. The do not linger over the dirt on their knees. They move forward. No worries. (Yet.)
I was never a 'girly-girl'.
I guess I was a 'tomboy'...building forts in the dunes, playing tag football or riding waves.
My 'girlfriends' surfed and played lacrosse. Over the years my 'girls' were in musicals with me (some of those boys were 'girlfriends' too),in the design studio with me at all hours, and, even later in life, were not 'tickled pink' over birth and breast feeding either.
My 'girls' were independent thinkers,spoke their mind, a bit edgy, feminine---to a point--and not scared of a dare or getting dirty.
I did not join a sorority in college because auditions for the musical 'Peter Pan' were the same week as 'Rush' at ECU....(which actually turned out in my favor as I made the cast and became good friends with Sandy Bullock---but I digress.)
I have always had friends who were girls...no, we did not hug, and say,'love you, boooo!'....and we NEVER jumped up and down squealing and clapping when we saw each other.

When I lived in Atlanta, after college, I became 'one of the boys'...I was the token chick who hung with about 10 guys...cute ones, mind you....as in all-American, UNC Lacrosse player cute boys. 'We' were a pack. I was the 'wing man' for a lot of them---checkin' out chicks in the ladies room to see if they were 'worthy'...
Of course, I, personally, never had a date.
Well, I take that back. I had 10 dates (when we all went out) but none were interested in ME...although they were fiercely protective. All the 'girly girls' who wanted to date 'my dates' were always ridiculously jealous that I was always around. It was hilarious how many 'sucked up' to me, to get to my 'guys'. Whatever.
Thus began my mistrust of all 'girly girls'.
When I got married, the first time, my (now X) husband told me 'I love you because you're NOT like all the girls in this town'...and I was cool with that.(hahah!)
The girls there were 'girly girls'...ex-sorority sistahs(the squealy jumping clapping kind), Junior League-ers(who chatted about birth stories at meetings instead of getting their hands dirty with something notable like helping homeless mothers),social climbers(hanging with the 'right' people and keeping up with the 'Jones's was key). Back stabbers. The kind of women who only have sex with their husbands to get a new piece of 'bling' or a kitchen remodel.
(Hey, I know how harsh that sounds, but it was reality in the tiny town I lived in.)
The 'girly girls' all circled the wagons around my X when we were going through the divorce. (I was an 'imported wife', they were all married to other wealthy hometown boys---their social standing was at stake, by God! and what is more important than that? Certainly not truth and the well being of my small kids.)
They all testified against me...purgering themselves...and I lost my young children.
(Apparently, while I was staying home taking care of my 2 little ones---and even theirs at times---I was 'doing drugs, drinking, and not concerned for the welfare of her children because she is so narcissistic, and has a skewed perception of reality'...Man, I must have REALLY been 'wasted' because I don't remember any of that!...if you really know me, that should give you a giggle.)
My very very best friend even turned against me...5 years of close friendship---'poof', gone because she 'did not want to upset' her husband who was my X's childhood friend...??? Really?
My trust in women flew right out of the window, and up came my very high stone wall.
When I moved to where I live now, I was very wary of making friends with women.
Slowly, but surely...my wall started coming down. My new sister in law is actually nice to me...and I have neighbor women whom I adore.
My new 'girlfriends' here have helped me develop trust again...I watch our girls play together. We talk about real social issues, as well as the latest funny stories about our families...I am so grateful that I have had a second chance to learn to trust 'girls' again...hopefully this will last a long time!
(But, sorry yall, I still won't jump up and down, squealing and clapping when I see them!)