My 'alarm clock' weighs 8 pounds...

My cat, Sylvia, weighs 8 pounds...maybe.
This morning at 3 a.m. she started 'waking' me up...
I heard her jump down from my dresser---(which of course is her new 'favorite' place to sleep)---sounding like a 500 pound gorilla falling out of a tree.
She must have  been wearing her tap shoes because every step she took sounded like 'tip....tap....tip....tap...' on her luxurious stroll to the bathroom.
Next I hear 'CRUNCH...dig,dig...CRUNCH'...(she was having a snack.)
Sylvia must have poor eyesight, because whenever she gets ready to drink her water, she tips the bowl to make the water move so she can see it.
Sounds a bit like a cap gun going off...makes my heart practically jump out of my throat.
I was still in that 'I'm-asleep-don't-ruin-it-for-me-now' haze....(hoping to go back to a really good dream I was having...)
3:45 a.m....she jumps back on my dresser, sliding out in to perfume bottles, the mirror, my change jar....
I opened one eye, waiting to hear glass breaking...nothing. I could see her silhouette in the shadowy darkness, standing there like a puma on the hunt...and she was looking at me like, 'What...?'
She waited until I was just about back to sleep, and started the 'morning grooming' session.
Lick, nibble, slurp....chew, chew...lick...lick...all the while bumping in to my Grandmother's marble based,  red glass, lamp (my favorite since I was a kid).
I could hear my beloved lamp scooching closer and closer to the edge of the dresser...the thumping of the shade against Sylvia's head as she washed her foot.
I got up and moved the lamp. (she, of course swatted me as I did so...)
Back to bed...again...I am thinking I have 2 hours before I have to really be awake...and now I can't go back to sleep.
Sylvia must have sensed this as she leaped across the room from the dresser, and landed on my bed like a trapeze artist landing on the net below.
I have a big bed.
There is plenty of room for me and an 8 pound cat.
Sylvia, with great fanfare, curls up on my PILLOW with her face right next to mine...breathing little cat breaths on me...(lovely.)
I scooted her off my pillow...which apparently did not suit her.
She came back with a vengeance...purring like a lawn mower...this time walking on my side as though she is practicing her tightrope act...her claws ever so slightly digging in to my skin.
I gingerly picked her up and put her on the other side of the bed....
....and again, the purring lawnmower started advancing across the  'battlefield'.
Changing her tactics, she headed for my feet...(I knew where this was going.)
She must have thought my feet were cold as she spread her warm furry little body across them...still purring...but now digging her claws in to my ankles.
She felt like a hot water bottle with thorns.
I was awake...and NOT happy. It was 4:25...a.m.
I picked her up off my feet, and put her on the floor...she 'huffed' at me...ears back, tail swishing around furiously.
She gave me about 20 minutes...and then Sylvia started scratching the door with her nails, and 'mewing' in her baby cat voice. I knew my dog Roxy would hear her, and soon be waiting on the other side of the door...'puff barking' and wanting to get to that 'squirrel' I keep in my room.
I let her out and she did her commando run---low to the ground, stealthy---down the stairs to the front door....
I got the locks undone and got her outside just as Roxy rounded the corner...
Sylvia, once again, cheating 'death' to escape in to the night.
(It is now 6 a.m....and I am on my 3rd cup of coffee...)

If The Shoe Fits...(I Guess.)

I LOVE shoes as much as the next gal...but, as a 'mom', my strappy stilettos are gathering dust (in their pretty boxes) on the top shelf of my closet. I miss you snake skin pumps with the patent leather kick ass heels...and you too my superhigh suede boots with the pointiest toes ever...

I wear flipflops pretty much 3/4 of the year now...my worn in comfy cowboy boots or Danskos when the weather gets chilly...(and I do have some leopard galoshes for yard work...HOT!)

Basically my footwear must remain relatively waterproof, barf proof, able to be wiped down, stepped on---repeatedly...and,yet, give me the 'gazelle' like sprinting capabilities one might need, say, if a child were to fall off a piece of playground equipment...and you need to break a land speed record to get there to 'catch'.

(all you Mommas know what I'm sayin'!)

Anyway...I do still like to browse really pretty/funky/groovy shoes and boots.

Here are some shoes I can pass on...I mean...REALLY?

Iris Schieferstein 'Hoof Heels'

"This German artist uses dead animals in her work...if taxidermied, wearable hooves are your style, these have your name on them!"
OK, as a Costume Designer, I can see how these could come in handy for some shows...but can you imagine the Vegan uproar that would ensue---what chaos! Fainting, throwing scripts...the stomping out of the studio...just not worth it.

So did you know that UGGS and Jimmy Choo have collaborated?

(NO? *gasp* Like...OMG!)

How 'FABOO!'

Actually I have dubbed these the 'U-Choo' boot. Just like cockroaches...UGGS will NOT go away. Don't they look like knock offs that have been 'BeDazzled'?

(and YES, kids, Mommy STILL wants a BeDazzler for Christmas---hint-hint!)

...and the kicker, yall...they sell for $795.00
(Oh you KNOW I'll get black AND brown!)

 

Since we are on the subject of 'price points'....these little 'Uggs-meets-Easter bunny booties'

by Louis Vuitton...???

Oh darlin', these babies will set ya back $2080.00.
(I am NOT joking!)

Equally as amazing---on a WHOLE different level are the booties I like to call 'who-notices-your-bad-dye-job-when-you-wear-these-shoes'...

OK,OK! ...I know this is a 'statement shoe'...

...but what, exactly, is the statement? Goat Herders Anonymous?

Or are these the orthopedic shoes that all the River Dancers have to wear after being on the road with Michael Flattley too long...???

Next we have a leopard/fish lace up...that I actually think are pretty cool---and my kids would HATE it when I wore these 'surf and turf' wonders to pick them up at school...or..sported them to a soccer game...yeah...(mmmWHUHUHUh!)

Ahhh... a girl can dream...but for now...I'll stick with my comfy red boots!

'Have you seen this child?...'

Had my first 'milk carton moment' today...
(Little One is fine, by the way...)
So, here's how it happened...
Little One was late to school this morning because she had a check up at the Doc's...
Walked her in to the front office...following protocol of the public school system, I handed all the necessary paperwork to the office secretary...signed her in to school---on the computer....
(Little One was thrilled that the 'pink slip' matched her outfit perfectly...)
Then there was a moment of awkwardness...
I wanted to walk her to her classroom that is about 300 miles from the front office to make sure she got there OK---(she has only been at this kindergarten for about 8 days now)...being cautious because God knows I would die if anything happened to her betwixt points A and B.
The office lady kind of poo-pooed me as being an overly emotional/way too cautious/psycho hover mother 'new parent'...and asked Little One if she knew where her classroom was...
(they encourage independence for the 5 year olds.)
Of course my big girl nodded 'yes'...and looked at me...
(as office lady was looking at me like, '...see?')
SO...
against my gut feeling, and trying to 'go' with the 'flow'...I let her go.
I...let my 'big girl' go....
I watched her wave to me through the glass doors....her skinny little legs walking toward her classroom....
(all the while thinking '...no. This is not right.')
Then thinking to myself,'OK...she is fine...stop over reacting...she's fine...she will be fine...'
45 minutes after I was home...my cell rings.
It is the Principal from her school.
She was doing all the obligatory intros, and had Little One's teacher on speaker phone...and was it ok if they put ME on speaker phone----
(All I can think of is 'what the HELL is going on! WHAT! WHAT!!!!)
Turns out, Little One never made it to her classroom....she LEFT out a side door and went on the playground!
Thank you God for the teacher who saw her and took her in to her class...
She was not scared....just said 'I got lost'.
Needless to say...with my heart in my throat...she was fine.
(...but what if she had wandered in to Lynn road? What if she had happened across someone who wanted her to 'see the puppies I found'...)
Hopefully, after this, the school will take seriously a mother's intuition...or at least take 10 minutes out of all the paperwork on their desk, and WALK a child to their class!

11 Facts of Life (by Bill Gates)

(I am posting this for my kids---and any of you 'grown-ups' out there who need a kick in the rear! Peace. Kat~)

."Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one."