(One never knows when these words will come in quite handy....)
"I am...really, really sorry. I take it back unreservedly.
...I do.
I offer a complete and utter retraction...The imputation was totally without basis in fact...and was in no way fair comment and was motivated purely by malice...
...and I deeply regret any distress that my comments may have caused you....or your family... and I hereby undertake not to repeat any such slander...at any time...in the future."
(Of course...it must be said with a British accent...with....the appropriate pauses!)
