If The Shoe Fits...(I Guess.)

I LOVE shoes as much as the next gal...but, as a 'mom', my strappy stilettos are gathering dust (in their pretty boxes) on the top shelf of my closet. I miss you snake skin pumps with the patent leather kick ass heels...and you too my superhigh suede boots with the pointiest toes ever...

I wear flipflops pretty much 3/4 of the year now...my worn in comfy cowboy boots or Danskos when the weather gets chilly...(and I do have some leopard galoshes for yard work...HOT!)

Basically my footwear must remain relatively waterproof, barf proof, able to be wiped down, stepped on---repeatedly...and,yet, give me the 'gazelle' like sprinting capabilities one might need, say, if a child were to fall off a piece of playground equipment...and you need to break a land speed record to get there to 'catch'.

(all you Mommas know what I'm sayin'!)

Anyway...I do still like to browse really pretty/funky/groovy shoes and boots.

Here are some shoes I can pass on...I mean...REALLY?

Iris Schieferstein 'Hoof Heels'

"This German artist uses dead animals in her work...if taxidermied, wearable hooves are your style, these have your name on them!"
OK, as a Costume Designer, I can see how these could come in handy for some shows...but can you imagine the Vegan uproar that would ensue---what chaos! Fainting, throwing scripts...the stomping out of the studio...just not worth it.

So did you know that UGGS and Jimmy Choo have collaborated?

(NO? *gasp* Like...OMG!)

How 'FABOO!'

Actually I have dubbed these the 'U-Choo' boot. Just like cockroaches...UGGS will NOT go away. Don't they look like knock offs that have been 'BeDazzled'?

(and YES, kids, Mommy STILL wants a BeDazzler for Christmas---hint-hint!)

...and the kicker, yall...they sell for $795.00
(Oh you KNOW I'll get black AND brown!)

 

Since we are on the subject of 'price points'....these little 'Uggs-meets-Easter bunny booties'

by Louis Vuitton...???

Oh darlin', these babies will set ya back $2080.00.
(I am NOT joking!)

Equally as amazing---on a WHOLE different level are the booties I like to call 'who-notices-your-bad-dye-job-when-you-wear-these-shoes'...

OK,OK! ...I know this is a 'statement shoe'...

...but what, exactly, is the statement? Goat Herders Anonymous?

Or are these the orthopedic shoes that all the River Dancers have to wear after being on the road with Michael Flattley too long...???

Next we have a leopard/fish lace up...that I actually think are pretty cool---and my kids would HATE it when I wore these 'surf and turf' wonders to pick them up at school...or..sported them to a soccer game...yeah...(mmmWHUHUHUh!)

Ahhh... a girl can dream...but for now...I'll stick with my comfy red boots!

'Have you seen this child?...'

Had my first 'milk carton moment' today...
(Little One is fine, by the way...)
So, here's how it happened...
Little One was late to school this morning because she had a check up at the Doc's...
Walked her in to the front office...following protocol of the public school system, I handed all the necessary paperwork to the office secretary...signed her in to school---on the computer....
(Little One was thrilled that the 'pink slip' matched her outfit perfectly...)
Then there was a moment of awkwardness...
I wanted to walk her to her classroom that is about 300 miles from the front office to make sure she got there OK---(she has only been at this kindergarten for about 8 days now)...being cautious because God knows I would die if anything happened to her betwixt points A and B.
The office lady kind of poo-pooed me as being an overly emotional/way too cautious/psycho hover mother 'new parent'...and asked Little One if she knew where her classroom was...
(they encourage independence for the 5 year olds.)
Of course my big girl nodded 'yes'...and looked at me...
(as office lady was looking at me like, '...see?')
SO...
against my gut feeling, and trying to 'go' with the 'flow'...I let her go.
I...let my 'big girl' go....
I watched her wave to me through the glass doors....her skinny little legs walking toward her classroom....
(all the while thinking '...no. This is not right.')
Then thinking to myself,'OK...she is fine...stop over reacting...she's fine...she will be fine...'
45 minutes after I was home...my cell rings.
It is the Principal from her school.
She was doing all the obligatory intros, and had Little One's teacher on speaker phone...and was it ok if they put ME on speaker phone----
(All I can think of is 'what the HELL is going on! WHAT! WHAT!!!!)
Turns out, Little One never made it to her classroom....she LEFT out a side door and went on the playground!
Thank you God for the teacher who saw her and took her in to her class...
She was not scared....just said 'I got lost'.
Needless to say...with my heart in my throat...she was fine.
(...but what if she had wandered in to Lynn road? What if she had happened across someone who wanted her to 'see the puppies I found'...)
Hopefully, after this, the school will take seriously a mother's intuition...or at least take 10 minutes out of all the paperwork on their desk, and WALK a child to their class!

11 Facts of Life (by Bill Gates)

(I am posting this for my kids---and any of you 'grown-ups' out there who need a kick in the rear! Peace. Kat~)

."Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one."

Fairy Stone Park

I took my son 'Bobby' and my Little One to Fairy Stone Park today...

Little One and I were chatting before she went to bed last night and she was 'so excited' to find some Fairy Stones...

'Are they all blue and sparkly?' she asked...

'Well, not really...they are beautiful, but they are usually muddy and very small'....I told her.

'Oh...' she said...kinda disappointed.

Then I realized, really, her whole life is like a Disney  film...

'Fairy'=Tinker Bell, the Fairy Dust, and little pixies with unusual body proportions...

My son and I just 'went with it'...as they say.

He asked her if she was 'gonna look for Fairies at the Park?'

'YES!...and if I find Tinker Bell, I will put her in the jar with my silly bands...but I will take out the silly bands so she has room to fly around!'...

Oh my sweet little imaginative 'fairy' girl!

(You are all Love...sprinkled with Pixie dust!)

First Day of School

(I heard this on the radio this morning...reminds me of Little One....although she is not riding the bus...but still...)
I Trust You'll Treat Her Well

By Dan Valentine

Dear World,

I bequeath to you today one little girl in a crispy dress with two blue eyes and a happy laugh that ripples all day long and a flash of light blond hair that bounces in the sun when she runs. I trust you'll treat her well.

She's slipping out of the backyard of my heart this morning and skipping off down the street to her first day of school. And never again will she be completely mine. Prim and proud she'll wave her young and independent hand this morning and say "Goodbye" and walk with little lady steps to the schoolhouse.

Now she'll learn to stand in lines and wait by the alphabet for her name to be called. She'll learn to tune her ears for the sounds of school-bells and deadlines and she'll learn to giggle and gossip and look at the ceiling in a disinterested way when the little boy 'cross the aisle sticks out his tongue at her. And, now she'll learn to be jealous. And now she'll learn how it is to feel hurt inside.

And now she'll learn how not to cry.

No longer will she have time to sit on the front porch steps on a summer day and watch an ant scurry across the crack in the sidewalk. Nor will she have time to pop out of bed with the dawn and kiss lilac blooms in the morning dew. No, now she'll worry about those important things like grades and which dress to wear and whose best friend is whose. And the magic of books and learning will replace the magic of her blocks and dolls.

And now she'll find new heroes.

For five full years now I've been her sage and Santa Claus and pal and playmate and father and friend. Now she'll learn to share her worship with her teachers which is only right.

But, no longer will I be the smartest, greatest man in the whole world. Today when that school bell rings for the first time she'll learn what it means to be a member of the group with all its privileges and its disadvantages too.

She'll learn in time that proper young ladies do not laugh out loud or kiss dogs or keep frogs in pickle jars in bedrooms or even watch ants scurry across cracks in sidewalks in the summer.

Today she'll learn for the first time that all who smile at her are not her friends. And I'll stand on the front porch and watch her start out on the long, lonely journey to becoming a woman.

So, world, I bequeath to you today one little girl in a crispy dress with two blue eyes and a happy laugh that ripples all day long…and a flash of light blond hair that bounces in the sun when she runs.

I trust you'll treat her well. .

Words to LIVE by....

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

My UN-Love Affair with Math.

My oldest daughter needed some Algebra review over the summer...
As I printed out worksheets for her...I got that old icky feeling again.
Math and I are not good friends...we are hardly even acquaintances anymore.
It all started with Addition in first grade...which was fine...
I love apples, pears, and oranges....and I can add them together, subtract them...I am comfortable with fruit salad.
Then the Multiplication Tables came into the room---and blew me away.
Remember those 'timed multiplication table tests'?
(aka: 'Instant Anxiety attack for a 9 year old...cloaked in that stupid piece of paper.')
I would get sick to my stomach, my head would ache, and the 'tick-tocking' of that stupid stop watch! OH MY GOD!
(I would have rather burned my coveted Wacky Packages than do that test.)
Then, the ultimate 'gut grabber' was the smacking down of the pencils as everyone else finished...scooching their chairs back as I sweated through the third of four columns to still be finished...Mrs. Mack would call 'time'...and it was like a slow mo action shot from a film...'NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'!!!!
I did (finally) learn my multiplication tables after getting really tired of adding up 7+7+7+7+7+7+7...etc.
Fractions were friendly to me because I could visualize the apples, pears and oranges divided in sections---though I don't know that all my fruity doodles were all that appreciated on my tests.
Decimals sucked.
Long Division was friendly.
My kids learned some kind of weird division in school, and I gave up trying to help them with homework.
(Bring on the Creative Writing, or a Pilgrim Village built from Popsicle sticks! I'm the 'Diorama Diva!)
I gave up a Study hall in 9th grade so I could sit through 2 simultaneous bells of Algebra with Mr. Rullman---King of the Levi flat front corduroys.
He even dragged my desk (with me sitting in it) to the board one day when I did not understand something----(THANKS for THAT Rodney!)
Oh, yes...and then there was Geometry with Mr. Everheart...a guy that no one was ever sure if he was not high...or something.
(And thank you Julio for making the 'bong noises' in to your canned Coke during class...you smelled like pot, and the giggling did not help my fleeting concentration.)
I always miraculously 'forgot' my notebook, or geometry book...and would ask to be excused so I could 'go to my locker'....(and flirt with the senior boys on the way back....okok! I admit it!)
*Note: another way to get 'excused' from his class would be to clutch my purse, and ask to go to the Ladies room...you know...'female emergencies' totally freak out male teachers! hahaha!
So all my shenanigans earned me a spot in Summer School at First Colonial HS...aka: Surfer-Boys-A-Go-Go'...geometry was easier there...and I passed the class.
(Although, that was the summer Chris Hearn slammed his 1978 Bronco (with a lift) into my Chevette...and I subsequently slammed my head in to the steering wheel---2 reconstructive septum surgeries later, I am OK...thanks.)
I took Algebra 2---twice...my Junior and Senior years...nice.
(and thank you to all my Physics tutors who helped me graduate---my payback was all the awesome illustrations I did for you of the dead pig in Biology---so, we are even!)
I actually made it through 6 years of college without taking Math!
(I did have to take Biology for 'Non-Science Majors' my Senior year---and thank you to the professor who passed me---I still love you.Glad we had that talk, and you thought I was 'charming'.)
I can say this, though.
I graduated with a BFA in Fashion Design...and I can measure the heck outta some fabric...fractions and all.
I can also tell you how many yards you need to reupholster a sofa...
(20 yrds. depending on the repeat)